Fool To Think
by Athena356
Summary: AU fic. what if Lucy survived....barely. please r/r!
1. Default Chapter

AN: not mine, but you knew that. Takes place after season 7, you can forget the whole rehab plot, last episode that really really applies for the main characters is "All In The Family" minus the ending. Other plots besides rehab and all are out, as well as the fact that Lucy's not dead, she's in the ICU and hasn't woken up yet. Enjoy and review!~~Thena  
  
  
Every day he went to see her. She looked weak and pale, lying in the bed. Her hair was spread on the pillow behind her, her bright eyes closed for over a year. The hospital gown masked her figure, and if he couldn't see her face, it could have been anyone in that bed. But it wasn't. It was Lucy. Her mother had stayed the first few months, but eventually had to go back to work. She came back almost every weekend, leaving her cell phone, work and home numbers with standing orders to call her at any change, no matter how minor.   
  
They all knew he hadn't worked hard enough on rehab. His leg was still weak, and he needed a cane for all the standing he did in the ER on his shifts. He should have been walking normally by now, but he didn't want to spend any time away from Lucy. He went up there on breaks, just to make sure she was still alive. It'd been close. The words echoed in his head..."It's close, man. Real close." But she was alive...somewhat. She was breathing a bit, but not enough. She fought the respirator for a few short seconds, then slipped back to the way she'd been. It was over a week ago, but it gave him hope. As soon as his shift was over, he went up the stairs, rather than wait for the elevator. He'd sit patiently on a stool by Lucy's bed, holding her pale hand. When Mrs. Knight showed up, she was on the other side of her daughter's bed, gripping her other hand. They didn't look up, look at each other. Their eyes were focused on Lucy.  
  
But today it was just him. He stared at her face, so peaceful. Reaching out carefully, he touched her pale cheek and let his tears fall. "I'm so sorry, Luce..." he whispered. A small knock at the door forced him to turn, and he saw a nurse rolling in a cot.  
  
"Dr. Weaver insisted. Get some rest, Dr. Carter."  
  
He nodded and laid down, pulling a blanket up to his chin, but lay away anyway, watching Lucy, unable to sleep, knowing she would haunt his dreams.


	2. Happy Birthday Carter

June 4th, 2001.   
  
Today was his birthday. She knew, all he had to do was remind her, and she would wake up. She wouldn't make him sit with her on his birthday without showing some good sign. When his shift ended, he passed right by the Admit desk, where he knew there was a cake waiting for him. Abby tried to stop him, get him to go into the lounge so he could be surprised. But he just shook his head and walked upstairs, clutching the cane he shouldn't have to use.   
  
Abby walked into the lounge and told them Carter wouldn't be coming in.   
  
"Hey guys, what do we do? I mean, we have a cake, and he doesn't want it..." Malik yelled out, causing Abby to look at him angrily.   
  
"He's right. We might as well..." Malucci shrugged.  
  
"Yeah, fine...fine. Save him a piece though, will you?"  
  
"Of course!" Malik grinned and took out the plastic knife they saved to cut all cakes. It was the only knife allowed in the ER for parties, and celebrations no longer had loud music, sometimes there was no music at all. Most were confined to the lounge anyway. There would be no more errors in this ER.   
  
He gripped her hand, as he always did. "Hey Luce...c'mon, it's my birthday. Just open your eyes...squeeze my hand." But he got no response. She'd had a CT the day before, and it was normal, in fact it was perfect. But she just didn't wake up. He sat for an hour and a half, but when the nurse came with his cot, he shook his head.   
  
"Weaver's orders, you know that."  
  
"I don't think I'm going to stay today. Thanks though, Marie."  
  
"Of course, Dr. Carter. We'll check on her, call you if anything..."  
  
"Thanks." He interrupted her, not wanting to let himself have too much hope. He shook his head and left, as Marie rolled the cot back to storage. No one was supposed to stay in the room, really, but the nurses were willing to let him, as long as it was kept semi-secret. They didn't want the other patients' families finding out.   
  
He took the elevator, stepping out and seeing Abby at the admit desk.   
  
"John, what's wrong? Aren't you staying?"  
  
He shook his head, and she came closer, looking at his dull brown eyes.   
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I...she's not going to wake up."  
  
"You mean she..."  
  
"Not yet...but she...it was my birthday...she should have woken up."  
  
"Come to the lounge...you want some cake? Chocolate, it's good for you."  
  
"sure..."  
  
"Happy birthday, Carter." Randi said distractedly, peering over the cover of her magazine.  
  
"Yeah, real happy." He muttered as he followed Abby into the lounge. She opened the fridge and looked for the cake box.   
  
"Um, John, it's not here."  
  
"What?" He instantly thought she might be talking about a knife.  
  
"The piece of cake we saved you. Mark just got on, he might have..."  
  
"Fine, really. It's fine." He let out a deep breath.  
  
"Ok...you want to stick around? I get off in 10 minutes."  
  
"No, I think I'll just...go home."  
  
"Alone on your birthday?"  
  
"Abby, it's not you, it's just...if I'm not up there, I might as well get some sleep."  
  
"Whatever you want. Call me if you need anything."  
  
"Of course." He put his lab coat in his locker and grabbed his cell phone, placing it in his pocket. Walking out, he looked up at the windows of the hospital, looking at the ICU floor, at all the lights off in sleeping patients' rooms. She'd let him down, but he'd be back tomorrow. He always came back.


	3. Purposefully Moving

June 22, 2001  
  
John stepped into the elevator along with an older couple. They were going to the surgical waiting room. They got off right before he did, distractedly nodding at him as they left. He sighed as the doors closed and he headed up to the ICU. He was no longer in a rush to get there, and hadn't been since his birthday. It'd been a long time, and if Lucy hadn't woken up yet...well, there was no telling if she ever would.   
  
He resumed his usual position by her side, holding her hand. Her skin was still pale, or at least it looked ghostly white, but that was just the bad lighting in the room. He sat for 10 minutes silently, but it was just too quiet.   
  
"Hey Lucy...it's John. I'm back. You should have seen this patient I had today. This girl, she was hit by a car, only 3. Cleo couldn't take it, we're actually waiting to see if she was exposed to HIV. Well, she was exposed, but we don't know if she has it. Anyway, she was such a sweet little girl, I sutured her...and she looked just like you. She would have loved to meet you, she needed someone to talk to...You were great with patients. People used to say that about me, but since...since Paul, I've been kinda...I don't know, just different. Messing up, my mind's never fully on the patient. I can't help but think that it's my fault. You...here. I'm sorry, Lucy. Your mom'll be here tomorrow. She had to work, but it's almost time for her to come here. She calls all the time, asking about you. But she'll get here around 8 in the morning, she can't stand to be away, really. She's sweet, she misses you."   
  
He couldn't keep up the one way conversation. He just held her hand, lightly brushing some hair out of her face. "Wish I knew if you could hear me. Can't you just open your eyes? C'mon Luce." He thought he felt a slight movement of her fingers, but he couldn't be sure.   
  
"Lucy, can you hear me? Lucy, open your eyes. Lucy, squeeze my hand if you can hear me!" He got no response. "I must have imagined it. Guess you don't want to wake up, eh Luce?" She squeezed a little harder this time, and he definitely felt it. "Open up, Luce, come on...just for a second." She didn't open her eyes, but instead he saw the muscles of her face straining, as if she was trying, but couldn't open them.   
  
"OK Luce, I'm going to get a doctor...just rest...but stay awake, Luce, stay awake. Please stay awake." He ran out into the hall and to the desk, past Marie who was bringing his cot. "Get Dr. Williams, quickly! She's making purposeful movements!"  
  
He entered her room again, taking a seat next to her. "Luce, can you open your eyes now? Just a little bit..." She tried, opening her bright eyes just a little bit before she shut them again. "There you go...you're going to be fine, Luce, really. The doctor will be in soon...you're going to be fine. I'm going to tell Kerry, and Elizabeth, and..well, everyone. But I'll tell them not to come see you yet, not until you're ready." He went on like that until Dr. Williams arrived.   
  
"Lucy, can you open your eyes?" He asked, waiting for her to follow his orders. She didn't, however.  
  
"She can't really, only a little. And...I think you have to call her Luce. She didn't respond until I did."  
  
"OK Dr. Carter. Call her mother, and tell Dr. Weaver, I'm going to do some tests."  
  
"Of course." He went back out in the hall and went to the desk, dialing Mrs. Knight's cell phone. "Hey, it's John...no, she's fine. Actually, she's waking up. No, no, it's ok, if there are no earlier flights then there are no earlier flights. It's not your fault. No, don't switch airlines. Just come as soon as you would, really, don't...don't worry, she's going to be fine, and she'll be up when you come. Maybe even doing better than she is now. OK, see you tomorrow. Bye." He walked down to the ER, finding only Randi at the desk.   
  
"Where's Weaver?"  
  
"What do I look like, her babysitter?"  
  
"Where *is* she, Randi?"  
  
"She's not on til 11, how the hell am I supposed to know where she is?"  
  
"Is Greene on?"  
  
"Yes, but he's at dinner. We had a big trauma, so he took a break."  
  
"Is *anyone* around?"  
  
"I don't know, check the board! What could possibly be so important!"  
  
"Lucy's waking up." He said flatly, walking off towards the elevator to find Elizabeth or Romano up in surgery. Randi stared after him, obviously shocked. She picked up the phone and called Kerry's house, but she got the machine, so she paged both Mark and Kerry. Neither of them had expected Lucy would ever wake up. Now all they had to do was check their damn pagers.   
  
"Shirley, is Dr. Romano around?"  
  
"He's in surgery, Dr. Carter."  
  
"And Dr. Benton?"  
  
"Assisting."  
  
"Dr. Corday?"  
  
"Maternity leave."  
  
"Can you page Elizabeth and get Peter?"  
  
"I'll try, Dr. Carter."  
  
"Thanks, I'll be up in the..."  
  
"ICU as always, right Dr. Carter?"  
  
"Yes Shirley." He smiled as she walked towards OR2.  
  
He went back to Lucy's room, sitting by her side as the doctors and nurses checked her vitals, had her open her eyes, move her legs, squeeze their hands...everything. She would only open her eyes for a few seconds before closing them again.  
  
"Luce, is it the light? Is it hurting your eyes?"  
  
She nodded slightly, and then pointed to the ventilator.   
  
"Can you breathe on your own, Luce?" He asked, hoping she said yes. She nodded again and tried harder to fight the vent. Her breaths were a bit weak, not quite enough for them to take the tube out. "Try again, Lucy." Dr. Williams said when she paused. She did, and finally convinced them that she was ready. "Get a mask ready....ok Lucy, on the count of three, take a deep breath and blow out. 1.....2....3." He pulled out the ET tube that they had replaced the trach with sometime after she came into the ICU. It seemed like forever since she'd been stabbed, since he'd seen her lying there.   
  
She coughed, but didn't try to speak. "Just hang in there, Luce..." He smoothed her hair with his hand, and the nurse shut off half of the lights. It was really a double room, and Lucy was supposed to have another bed next to hers, but all that was behind the curtain was the extra cot Marie had rolled in for John. The lights went off over Lucy's bed and the ones on the other side of the room remained on.   
  
"It's not as bright, Lucy, try to open your eyes now." She listened, and slowly opened her eyes, this time opening them long enough to turn her head and see who was holding her hand.  
  
"John." She whispered, even though she wasn't supposed to talk yet.   
  
"Shh...wait before you talk." He smiled at her and kissed her forehead. Leaning back, he bit his lower lip, not sure how she would take it, how the other doctors would take it. But none of that really seemed to matter, as long as she was awake.   
  
"Well Lucy, it's good to have you up...Dr. Carter here's been waiting. I have another patient to check on, but I'll be back in a litle while. Don't let him keep you awake too long, you're still recovering, you need rest."  
  
"I think I rested enough." She said quietly, seeing the sweat on some of the doctors and nuses' foreheads, as well as the shining sun out her window.  
  
"You just don't like to listen, do you?" John joked, still smiling. Dr. Williams and the nurses left, leaving John and Lucy alone.  
  
"What month is it?"  
  
"It's the end of June."  
  
"Four months..." She sighed a little. "I'd say I got enough rest."  
  
He looked at her, not sure how to tell her the truth. "Luce...it's June of 2001." He said gently, hoping she didn't get too upset.  
  
"A year...over a year?" He nodded. "And you still came."  
  
"Of course I did, Luce."   
  
"Did you know...were you sure I'd ever wake up?"  
  
"No, not really. I hoped you would."  
  
"And you came anyway?"  
  
"I didn't want to miss anything. What if you woke up alone, Luce?"  
  
"Thank you, John." She held his hand and smiled.  
  
"Get some rest, Luce. Your mom's coming in tomorrow, and I'm sure everyone will be in to say hi." He let go of her hand, only to have her take it back before she closed her eyes and tried to sleep. "Goodnight, Luce."


	4. This Isn't Over

June 22, 2001  
  
Elizabeth walked into Lucy's room. It was late, and she'd brought Ella to the hospital as soon as she was paged. Mark was on, and she had no idea why her pager was even on, let alone why she answered it. She left Ella with daycare, which she'd never wanted to have to do, but knew she would eventually. She sat in Carter's usual post. He'd been paged down to the ER to deal with an overcrowded department.   
  
******  
_ "This is NOT over, no! Give the last epi time to circulate...charge to 30! Dammit Lizzie!"  
  
"Robert..."  
  
"Atropine and epi. Just one more try."  
  
"Robert..."  
  
"I am the chief of surgery, and I say we're trying it again!" He said this as one small heartbeat appeared on the monitor. "I mean, look."  
  
"Robert, you know that doesn't mean anything, it's only one."  
  
"Epi and atropine."_  
******  
  
He'd been right, for the most part. They'd gotten her back.   
  
"Lucy?"  
  
"Elizabeth." She whispered back.  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
"As good as you could expect...rested." She added sarcastically.   
  
"Now Lucy..."  
  
"I know, I know. Did they pull you out of surgery?"  
  
"No, I was at home, actually."  
  
"Woke you up?"  
  
"No, no. I'm on maternity leave."  
  
"You are?"  
  
"I just had a little girl...but she's over a month old, so I figured I could stash her in daycare when they paged me about you."  
  
"What's her name?"  
  
"Ella...Ella Greene."  
  
Lucy looked up and smiled, noticing the ring on Elizabeth's finger shining faintly in the light. "Congratulations."  
  
"Well thank you."  
  
"What happened, Elizabeth? I mean...when..."  
  
"It was a pulmonary embolism...we put in a filter, then another clot...and you arrested...and...if you believe this...Robert refused to call the time of death, and he got your heart beating again."  
  
"Romano?" Elizabeth nodded, and Lucy let out a little laugh. "You mean he has a heart after all?"  
  
"Where you're concerned, he's quite caring, actually. He did do the surgery for that girl...Valerie...when she needed an L-VAD, didn't he?"  
  
"I guess so...Thought that was just to shut me up."  
  
"Ah, so maybe it was. Has he been to see you?"  
  
"No, Dr. Benton stopped by for a few minutes, said he was going back to assist Romano. He'll probably come when their surgery's over. I heard it's pretty jammed up downstairs, Carter had to go."  
  
"He's been here a lot, or so I hear from Mark."  
  
"Well, one of my nurses told me he practically lived here, so I'd say 'a lot' is an understatement."  
  
"Well he was worried about you...we all were, but he...he really cares about you. More than he'd admit."  
  
Lucy nodded, and Elizabeth could see her eyes fluttering closed. She tried to stay awake, but Elizabeth just smiled and shook her head. "Lucy, go to sleep. I've got to get Ella anyway. I'll come back another day. It's late."  
  
"Alright. Goodnight Elizabeth."  
  
"Sleep well, Lucy," she replied as she walked out, closing the door behind her. Lucy turned over and looked out the window at the El rumbling by and the lights of the ambulances pulling up. She sighed and closed her eyes, wishing Carter didn't have to work so she'd have company. The nights seemed longer when she was alone.


	5. Sir John and Lady Luce

June 23, 2001  
  
Barbara Knight sat by Lucy's side, watching her sleep. It was still early in the morning, and she didn't want to wake her daughter. The tube was out of her throat, and John had explained some things she hadn't really listened to about Lucy's oxygen level and how it meant she was doing better. All she could think of was that Lucy was awake...or she had been, and she would be again. John entered the room, smiling when he saw Lucy sleeping.  
  
"Still asleep, huh?"  
  
"Yeah...but I like watching her sleep now. As long as she's breathing, you know?"  
  
"I know." He put a hand on her shoulder and she looked up into his warm brown eyes. "Hey sleepyhead, you have a visitor," he said, tapping Lucy's fingers gently.   
  
"Oh John, you should have let her sleep."  
  
"Mom...John...hi."  
  
"Well hi yourself Miss Luce, hope you slept well."  
  
"Oh wonderfully." She said sarcastically, and John shot her a warning look.  
  
Barbara had yet to say anything. She was staring at Lucy and grinning.   
  
"How's the pain, do you need more morphine?"  
  
"Try saying that one ten times fast...just 3 more, please."  
  
"I can only give you...2" He replied, consulting her chart.  
  
"Only 2?"  
  
"Yes, only two. Then you can have more later if you still need it."  
  
"Oh fine, fine. So, guess I missed graduation. They gonna hold me back?"  
  
"You'll have to do another semester, yes. Probably next spring, unless you want to try for the fall."  
  
"Think I'll be ok?"  
  
"Depends on how hard you work in therapy, you know that."  
  
"Yeah yeah yeah."  
  
"You're young, you'll bounce back."  
  
"That's right, I'm not an old man like you."  
  
"Ouch Luce, ouch. That hurt."  
  
"Baby!"  
  
"First I'm an old man, now I'm a baby, make up your mind already."  
  
"Do I have to separate the two of you?" Barbara grinned.   
  
"No mom, we'll be good." Lucy winked at John.   
  
"And I have a shift anyway, I'm just on a break, so goodbye, fair Lucy, I'll see you in a few hours."  
  
"Goodbye sir John of Cook County."  
  
"And here's your morphine, M'lady." He bowed and injected the morphine into her IV, scribbled it on the chart and left.  
  
"You two are cute together."  
  
"Mo-om, he's my teacher. Besides...he's Carter."  
  
"Yeah, sure. Besides, he's not Carter...he's Sir John."  
  
"You'd better feel lucky that I can't get up right now!" Lucy joked, laughing.   
  
"I'm serious, Lucy!"  
  
"Are you trying to make me sorry I woke up? Because it's working."  
  
"Fine, Fine. I'll change the subject. Dating anyone?"  
  
"I'm going back to sleep."  
  
"I was kidding!"  
  
"Mom, really. I don't like Carter...and he doesn't like me. He's just bending over backwards to be nice to me because he can't order me around."  
  
"It's fine if you don't like him, but...he definitely likes you, Lucy."  
  
"Him? No way."  
  
"Way. He's been sleeping in an extra cot, on call all night, just because it's the only way he can get enough time off to come see you when you get out of here."  
  
"You mean when I go home?"  
  
"Are you really coming home, Luce? I thought you loved this city."  
  
"I do...of course I do. And I love the hospital. But...it's just..."  
  
"I know. Maybe we can get you set up to finish the spring semester in San Fransisco, and you could stay with me until then."  
  
"Maybe. I don't know."  
  
"Well, think about it. I can't believe it...I didn't know if we'd ever have to make these decisions."  
  
"Did you really stay here for two months?"  
  
"Yeah, the first two....and Christmas, when I get time off, a week here and there last summer...mostly just the weekends though."  
  
"Bet that made old Jimmy pretty mad."  
  
"My boss didn't mind, Lucy. He's really a nice guy."  
  
"Yeah, I bet."  
  
"Lucy!"  
  
"Mom, I'm kidding. So, when do I get out of this joint?"  
  
"Lucy, I haven't asked yet. Concentrate on getting better. Does your chest hurt?"  
  
"Yeah...where they opened it up. It's not so bad though. I've had patients who've got it worse...I healed while I slept."  
  
"I think I need some coffee. You want anything? Can you have anything?"  
  
"Yeah, just get me a milkshake."  
  
"Try again, missy."  
  
"Mom, I'm not going to spoil my dinner or something!"  
  
"Just eat something real."  
  
"OK, um...the chicken is pretty mild. Unless you want to run to Doc's and get me something."  
  
"Whatever you want."  
  
"Turkey sandwich. Some chips maybe. And a milkshake."  
  
"Lucy..."  
  
"Fine, I'll make Carter get me one later. Orange juice, I guess."  
  
"Alright. I'll be back in a little bit."  
  
"Thanks Mom." She patted her daughter's hand lightly, grinning as she went, both of them knowing that she'd end up buying Lucy a milkshake. She'd buy a million milkshakes if it would make her happy. She'd do anything for her daughter, simply because she could ask.


End file.
